Last year, I found myself accepting and acknowledging that I lacked self-compassion. I seemed to have compassion for others, but when it came to myself, I found myself to be extremely critical, a bit unforgiving, and many times, shaming myself. My therapist would often remind me to have more compassion for myself. However, I had treated myself this way for so long… where would I even start in cultivating self-compassion? To be honest, I didn’t really understand self-compassion until I personally experienced it.

Having self-compassion means being able to recognize the difference between making a “bad” decision and being a “bad” person. It refers to a way of relating to the self, with kindness. It’s not a practice of good feelings, but one of kindness. When we have self-compassion, we understand that we are WHOLE and our worth is unconditional, no matter how the circumstances appear. We learn to be loving and understanding toward ourselves when we fall short of expectations, rather than responding with self-criticism and shame. Additionally, we recognize the oneness in which we are with others around us. We are able to see that the suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the collective (shared human experience); we aren’t the only one experiencing it.

But how does one begin to cultivate self-compassion?

Personally, my self-compassion developed out of my journey of working towards a healthy, loving, and nurturing relationship with myself. And that journey started with practicing mindfulness. Whether it was becoming aware of my triggers, negative emotions, or self- limiting beliefs, it was through awareness that I was able to get to the root of my own pains, wounds, and hurts. And in turn, reconnect and align with my higher being, which knows and understand that it is WHOLE and lacks nothing. It was in consciousness where I begin to witness how I talked to myself and how it truly made me feel. I was able to witness that even in those, “I’m just kidding moments,” my self-esteem and the view of my worth, was often negatively impacted.

If I have learned anything though practicing self-compassion (and empathy) it would be that compassion for yourself becomes the foundation of healthy, balanced relationships in your life.

So are you ready to work on cultivating self-compassion? Are you excited to LOVE ALL OVER YOURSELF? I hope so. Here are some tips to begin cultivating self-compassion for yourself. Remember, take what you need, and throw the rest away ;-).

LET’S GO…

COMMIT TO SELF-DEVELOPMENT

At the root of it all, you want to be a better version of yourself. By committing to the journey, you open the space for change. Many of us resist change out of fear of the unknown. Some of us resist self –exploring or self-development out of fear of what past wounds will resurface or believe that the journey will take too long. Reality is, everyone, will have an experience (whether through development or change) that is unique to him or her. So I want to encourage you to first, decide that you want to make changes to your life. Then, determine your why. Finally, commit to yourself that you will do the work it takes to get there. It may be a process, but it is a process for your best. Additionally, it is one of many ways to act in kindness and love to yourself.

PRACTICE MINDFULNESS

Seriously. Mindfulness changed all aspects of my life. Mindfulness is about being present in the moment. Therefore, while practicing mindfulness, you can bring attention to your thoughts. When you find yourself (or rather, EGO) being critical with its negative storyline, you can dissect those thoughts.

Remember, the EGO was initially developed as an agent of the soul to protect you. What exactly is EGO trying to protect you from today? Is there something from your past that is similar to your current circumstance? How did the ego motivate or comfort you then?

When we start answering questions like these, we can get to the root of why we are responding the way we are, in the present. And once we find understanding, we can have compassion for the ego, which is part of us. If you’re interested in learning more about ego, I’ve done a Facebook live discussing it, which you can watch here. Additionally, I previously published an article about mindfulness, which you can find here.

With self-compassion, we can mindfully accept each moment, even the painful ones, and in response, embrace ourselves with kindness and care.

KNOW THIS… IT’S A COLLECTIVE THING

You are not alone. As humans we all feel and experience. Not one of us has gotten to a point of perfecting life. We are all just doing what we know to do, in our limited understanding of life and our existence. Often times we are just coasting through collecting many bumps and bruises, so you’re not alone. As humans, we are not perfect and it is through this imperfection where we can connect with one another and acknowledge our oneness. Self-compassion helps you to not only be kind to yourself but by recognizing your own wholeness, you can recognize others as well. You are not going through these life challenges alone, KNOW THAT and maybe, find your “tribe.”

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BE

This is all about allowing life to flow through you. You don’t need to apologize for pen scribbles, broken glass, hurt, disappointment, or feelings of rejection— allow it all to be. Allow it to exist. None of those things change the fact that you are whole and worthy. Self-compassion gives you room to simply BE. It helps you to be kind to yourself, unconditionally. In cultivating self-compassion, it is important that you accept that not everything will go perfect and that you won’t be able to control everything. And in giving yourself permission to just be, you can shift your perspective in situations and in turn come from a place of unconditional love for self. No need to shut yourself down or lose faith, you’re always exactly where you need to be, experiencing what you need to experience; let it flow, in LOVE.

All is well.

SET POSITIVE AND SELF-LOVE FILLED INTENTIONS

Take a few moments at the start of your day to establish positive thoughts and intentions for yourself (and maybe include others too). You can do this by using affirmations. If you write it in your planner or phone, then set notifications that will remind you to review your intention it will eventually become a habit. And will likely work wonders for your mindset and perspective of self. Here are 10 affirmations that you can begin with:

1. Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.
2. Every experience is a learning experience.
3. I live in the present moment.
4. I am always changing; this is neither good nor bad. It just is.
5. I wish the best for everyone.
6. I don’t worry about things I can’t control.
7. My anxiety is motivation to change and improve.
8. I can see the bigger picture.
9. Things happen for me, not to me.
10. I determine the meaning of my life.

WHAT WENT RIGHT DURING THE DAY?

Too often we spend more time criticizing ourselves instead of celebrating that we are, where we are. Spending time before you fall asleep thinking of 2-3 things that went right for you during the day or that you feel grateful for, is a great way to conclude the day. It assists you in fostering a more loving and self-accepting relationship with yourself, which supports cultivating self-compassion.

Note: If you’re into journals, I’ve created a 30-day journal focused on self-acceptance and gratitude; you can check it out here.

SEEK SUPPORT

There’s always help. We can learn self-compassion on our own, however, it may take longer than most have the patience to endure. It could be difficult to be mindful of your thoughts and be able to analyze them. Therapy or coaching services is a great way to work on cultivating self-compassion. Therapist or coaches can help you notice your thoughts, guide you through the questioning process, and help you to gain a realistic perspective of yourself and others.   Such services will help you past the distractions of life, and get back to the TRUE you.

You would want to find a therapist or coach you feel safe and comfortable with.

 

Do you have any tips to share with others, regarding cultivating self-compassion? Please share it below. Each one, teach one.

I appreciate and love you all! Reach out to me if you have any questions. Interested in working with me? Click here.