It is November, the 11th month of the year. Therefore, I am putting together 11 Ways to Show Love to Yourself. When I started to understand the importance of loving myself and showing unconditional love to myself, my life became more intentional, peaceful, and beautiful. While growing up, I never had anyone explain how important it would be to love myself or helped me to understand how I would know when I loved myself.
The journey to self-love has not been easy and there are days when I have to remind myself to be kind to myself. Nonetheless, I’ve learned to love myself and accept all of me. I realized in my journey that I could not spend my life seeking love from others; I needed to learn to show unconditional love to myself. When I adopted this understanding and put it into action, everything in my life changed.
With social media and everyone displaying their lives to the world, it’s easy for us to start comparing ourselves to others and feel the need to do MORE. We are all a work in progress and my experience has been that when you are comfortable with yourself, life is a lot easier to tackle. It is important to know who you are and what you want. I’ve gained prospective and built a foundation on which I began my journey of self-love. When you are comfortable and love yourself, it tends to be easier to let go of things that don’t serve you and understand why it is important and often times, necessary.
1. Know what your values are. Our values inform our thoughts, words, and actions. The process of discovering your personal values involves not just discovering what you’re passionate about but also finding out what’s really important to you. Knowing your values and allowing them to be reflected in your actions, affects how you show up in your life. Values are the principles you live by and what you consider important for your own self-interest. There are lists of values available online that can give you examples of what values look like and you can use those list to determine which ones relate to you. Your values can change throughout time, depending on where you are in your life. I believe that we should be frequently asking ourselves what things are important to us and we should live our lives according to those things – instead beliefs and ideas that other’s have told us or encouraged us to live by.
2. Take responsibility for your life. Period. Understand that you are the only person who is responsible for your life. You are the only one who has to live with your decisions. No one can live your life for you. You are in charge. Be the one to guide your direction and outcomes. Stop blaming others because you haven’t learned how to use your power and right to say Yes or No. You are POWERFUL. You always have a choice. You need to stand strong in your decisions because at the end of it all, the truth is that any decision you make has a DIRECT impact on you. So, give yourself permission to take responsibility. Then, take responsibility for your life. And Do what you need to do.
3. Do things without expectations. OKAY! This goes hand and hand with taking responsibility for your life. Dig this—You also need to take responsibility for your decisions. When you give and expect something in return, that is not really giving and can result in you being highly disappointed and angry. Relationships are a two way street; we are all giving and receiving. When you expect someone to give because you did something for them or stayed around… you aren’t necessarily giving simply to build the relationship or provide value, but to later be repaid in some form or another.
Too often we do things for others and then expect them to be indebted to us forever. If you’ve ever heard someone whose relationship has ended and they detail all that they had done for the other person, as a disapproval of the relationship ending— this is an example of expectations. That individual some how felt that what they were doing for this individual should have provided their relationship with some security or other thing (I am still not sure what the expectations are, however they do exist). It is important that when you give, whether its time, money, or help, do it with an open heart and without expectations. Release expectations by checking in with your motivation and give or do because you want to, and then ask for things directly when you want them. Avoid the hurt, frustration, and disappointment that expectations may bring. Especially, when the other side is unaware that there were any expectations to begin with.
4. Let your “No” be your No, and Your “yes” be your yes. Trust yourself to look after your best interests—don’t sacrifice your needs for the needs of those around you. Stand strong in your decisions; don’t waiver. If you said no, you meant no… and that’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for making a decision for you.
Again, this is your life and therefore, your responsibility. You have the right and ability to say Yes or No depending on your own interest and/ or values. And that is FINE –No approval necessary.
5. Be comfortable spending time alone. You are the only thing in your life that is guaranteed to be consistent in your life. It is important that you get use to being with yourself and enjoy it. Get to know yourself and get in touch with you. Take time to enjoy things that really feel good to you.
Time alone allows for you to reflect, accept, and reset. Learning how to be alone may serve you well when it comes to knowing what you need and want in a relationship. Being alone may bring you closer to your inner being, allowing you the access to the creative and intuitive aspects of yourself. In addition, being alone can help you build mental strength resulting in increased happiness, better life satisfaction, and improved stress management. This time allows an opportunity to think about your goals, your progress, and changes you want to make in your life.
Additionally, when you’re by yourself, you can make choices without outside influences. And that will help you develop more insight into who you are as a person.
6. Do your own thing. People are not short of advice, however their advice will not necessarily be beneficial to you. With your values, taking responsibility, and being kind to yourself, you have the ability to stand in your life and direct it. Do things the way that you like instead of following the crowd, following unwritten rules, or simply doing what others believe is in your best interest. You have the power to make decisions and to guide your life; do your own thing! Be an individual. Live your best life. This is a form of love to self.
7. Release Toxic Relationships and Situation. Sometimes you just have to walk away. Evaluate the relationships and circumstances around you. Anything or anyone who does not lift you up, fully support you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself, needs to go. Pay attention to what serves you and what does not. Sometimes, as I have learned, there is often no other choice but to walk away from relationships and situations.
No matter how much you love people. No matter how much you believe you should be enjoying your circumstances. It’s about self-preservation. If people are hurting you or circumstances are causing you pain, it’s time to walk away, in order to protect yourself. If you don’t protect yourself and set the bar on how others are to treat you, who else will? Remember—what we allow, is what is likely to continue. It is important that we teach others how we expect to be treated. Walking away can be painful, but it can also free you to be your authentic self.
8. You are not competing with anyone. Stop comparing yourself. I know that society has somehow conditioned us to believe that we should decide how well we are doing in life by looking at our peers’ life. And this is the standard, despite the fact that we don’t start at the same place in life.
When we start comparing ourselves to others we get sucked into conforming, competition, and feeling like we’re not enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. There is no one else in the world like you—PERIOD. No one has your exact experiences, resources, tools, voice, body, visions, aura, creativity, ideas—you get my point.
The TRUTH is, NO ONE IS YOUR COMPETITION. Your value is immeasurable and has nothing to do with somebody else’s value.
9. Heal the wounds of the past. Most of us have heard, “hurt people, hurt people.” That has indeed been something I have experienced, whether I was projecting it onto others, or they were projecting their hurt on me. Healing means letting go so that the thoughts and feelings don’t impact you. It is important to take away the power that these hurtful experience have over you.
You may be waiting for an apology or acknowledgment, time to pass, or maybe you rather just remain angry. Regardless of where you are in your pain, take time to heal. Because whether we realize it or now, the toxic that is within us, often shows up outside of us. I recommend: (1) acknowledging that you are hurt, (2) reflecting on why you are hurt (ex. what about this hurts you and how), (3) forgive yourself for the hurt (remind yourself that this is not your fault), and (4) tell yourself you are letting go and mean it. Following this, anytime those memories of the pain show up, acknowledge it and release it.
10. Speak up. Healthy and great relationships rely on positive and effective communication, so take time to practice and master communication. Pay attention to any areas of your life where you feel like suppressing your feelings or not being honest about how you feel. Vulnerability is a necessity in true intimacy and that means you have to be willing to share your feelings, especially when you are scared, hesitant, or sensitive. Sharing how you feel is a practice of kindness and self-love. Hidden emotions can become toxic to you, relationships, or circumstances, don’t allow that.
11. Be Kind to yourself. ALWAYS speak to yourself in a loving way. I will never forget my therapy session where I realized how mean I spoke to myself; it was harsh. I want to encourage you to take time to check in with yourself. When you do this, be sure to listen to yourself and pay attention to what you really need and want.
Think about how you would speak to someone you love? Ask yourself, how can I speak to myself in a more loving way. You deserve all the love, joy and support in the world and the way to receive that from others is to first give it to yourself.
Feel free to add any additional ways to show love to yourself, in the comments below.
In righteousness & boldness,
xx
Charliie
Leave a Reply